First, I’m going to apologize for being lousy about updating this blog. (I do that a lot,don’t I? Lol)
In all seriousness, though, I logged on to talk about something really close to my heart.
If you know anything about or have read just about anything I’ve written, you know I’ve struggled most of my life with an eating disorder or disordered eating. Becoming vegan taught me a lot about food and restored a faith I’d lost in myself that I was going to be ok. I didn’t need to hate myself and use food as currency in order to discipline myself.
I’m happy to share that,for nearly a year now, I have not felt the “urge to purge”.
Like many people, I’m evolving, in my own way and my own direction. I’m becoming more of an Engine 2 disciple and enjoy make my own things from scratch… which is part of the reason its so hard. The things I’m good at making from scratch I can’t have much of…. specifically bread. This breaks my heart… but I’m moving away from the topic here.
I don’t have to abuse my body anymore.
My body is a gift from the Divine.
I don’t have to fill it crap, force it puke, cut it, emaciate it…. I am free to love it.
Fill it with good foods, that will properly digest, heal me and strengthen me.
Thats a beautiful thing and a very emotional thing to talk about, believe it or not.
When you spend years with your head in a toilet and counting calories… waking up and knowing you don’t have to and you don’t have to feel guilty about it is surreal.
Knowing I’m not eating the flesh of a fellow abused being(though mine was self inflicted)is a good feeling,too.
I’m not sure how else to explain this. You’ve either been there or you haven’t. Sure, like all of us, I have bad days,where I’m tempted because I chose to eat something fatty… but I’d take a bad,now, as a vegan, over a good day,then, at the height of my disorder and self abuse.
As an aside, I’d like those of you with ED’s, if you are ready, to watch this or Forks Over Knives, Food Inc, King Corn…. Food politic movies…. but only if you’re ready. I would also like to say I love you.How to Lose Weight Without Loosing Your Mind
Things I’ve Learned: Spotlight On : I don’t have to abuse my body anymore
12 Jan
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Journal of a Poet(ess?)
- I Am Sorry August 16, 2010Another piece from the forum! I have a feeling, though, the creative juices will be flowing soon! I really didn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon, but I think its coming. ———————————————————————— […]Casey T.
- “Off the Cuff” Series: “And You Don’t Even Know” August 14, 2010I’d probably hear your voice Even if it were a choice I’d probably stand by you If I had a million other things to do. I’d probably believe any lie you ever told No matter how small or how bold. And you don’t even know. I’d run a marathon for your love… Though, probably not [...]Casey T.
- Leaving Sandusky August 2, 2010I wrote this piece about leaving the city of Sandusky, which was the first city I ever tasted genuine freedom in. I had lost my job adn was returning to my home town. I’m purging myself from this city. Purging it from my veins. These roads are so dirty. I’ll drive away, as soon as [...]Casey T.
- Deep Fatigue July 26, 2010I must say, specifically since making the very personal decision to become vegan, I’ve been experiencing an out pour of positivity from people. Maybe not specifically towards my decision but a giving nature, nonetheless. I’ve received a care package and an appliance already and, it appears, I’ll be getting another one as well. Mostly beca […]Casey T.
- Stagnant July 22, 2010I almost hate to admit this, but I only wrote this last year. Its just kind of saturated in teen angst. Anyway, besides that, I think its a nice piece. I wrote it in a fit of frustration with my parents and my situation… I hope you enjoy it. Stagnant (A Letter to My Parents) [...]Casey T.
- My New Home – This Scrap and Me July 13, 2010For a long while, I used Blogger and had two different blogs there. Journal of a Poet(ess?) and My Half Cent. Now, I have combined them here on wordpress, connected to my newest blog Coming Out of the Pantry, about my thoughts and (mis)adventures transitioning from vegetarian to vegan. I want to mention, on a [...]Casey T.
- A Pet Prayer March 11, 2010Last night, one of our dogs had a seizure. I must say it really shook me. She appears to be alright and started behaving like herself this morning. Anyway, it scared to crap out of me. I’ve constantly worried about my pets dying that I Have to remind myself that 1.) Death is a natural [...]Casey T.
- Original Piece: Demon in the Mirror February 12, 2010This poem was originally written “Off the Cuff”, as I like to say, for a forum I was previously involved in. I decided not to edit it because its beauty was in whatever flaws may be found in it because it was raw, having been, if memory serves me correctly, written in under 5 or [...]Casey T.
- Original Piece: Epiphany February 12, 2010Your skin….Your silky skinIs(to me)A new religion. May I worship at the temple gates?May I enter these doors? Tell me, tell me….. Oh, how sweet this new life is….Oh, how sweet a fruit you taste.May I, May I….May I love you? Your skin,Your translucent skinIs(teaching me)A new philosophy. May I spread the word?May I share [...]Casey T.
- The Lantern December 9, 2009Let me guide you home.You shouldn’t walk alone.Everything will be alright.If you can make it through the night.But, you can’t do it alone.Let me guide you home. I’ll be your umbrella.I’ll be your parasol.Won’t let the rainOr the suns raysLimit your time with me.Because I can see,All you could be.Please don’t deny meThe honor of [...]Casey T.
